The plight of man.

I can only see things in my perspective. For I have to consider the fact that I may be wrong and that it is entirely possible that my perspective is just a twisted view of the reality around me. Let us get back to the topic at hand the one I wish to discuss about. Idea that gender is perhaps a social construct of human imagination. A man is suppose to be tall, white and handsome with a large penis. I know this is pretty general but to look for specifics just look at television ads, movies, shows, and modern magazines. It is what you see, perhaps it is rooted in our biology and our desire to get a new mate for our offspring. There may be some truth in such an argument but to have these types of value systems distorted is beyond what I can possibly fathom. To systematically change our physiology and psychology for the desire to belong and be happy is what I consider to be the false path. I take this perspective as a man but it can also be seen as a women also. Sublime figure, perfect body, breasts, and pleasing personality that would fit in the world of men. It is this unrealistic desire of people to fit in the mold of the dominant society that leads to unhappiness for some along with additional social anxieties that can easily get out of their control. For how many of us chose our genetic makeup and upbringing? Yet we as a species will undermine and harm those who have no control over such a matter. We should feel injustice and empathy for each other as we do for the sick and poor and but society acts as if a man having a small penis is his fault and to be ridiculed, bullied, and make ashamed of something out of his control. Or the girl who does not have the perky breasts and undergoes surgery because of a need to feel loved and wanted. We should strive to master our biology and primitive instincts and become more than what we are. Humanity is still attempting to transcend prejudice and fear to embrace the unknown and strive for the truth. Embrace uncertainty and failure instead of running away from it. Accept pain and cry. Laugh and love. Ditch customs and social norms don't do things because your told to or you feel are socially pressured to do but do it because you feel it is right thing to do. It is vague I know but that is the point, science has taught us so much yet the deeper truths of life and our world are all still vague. We should not fear it but as I stated before strive to understand it in the best way possible. Let your mind be free and let go. Give up what is not truly relevant to your life and get rid of the distractions and only care for what truly matters. It is something that is easily written but not so easily achieved.

Let me share my personal story in all of this. I believe that the reason I went down this path of rejection of society and isolation to some degree is because of the scars and pain I carry. Searching for meaning in a world that can be very cruel. Before I even focused on culture and society which would later only compounded my problem. I had to face the realities of my classmates, my peers, and my family. I do not fit the model of what western society considers ideal for a male. It is something that many do not even admit to themselves because they still hold on to the fact they can belong and still fit in somehow. I gave up on that. As someone who is not white, but actually a minority of colored skin I realized that I had become the victim of racist jokes and humor. As someone who is below average in height I got use to the jokes and embarrassment on the basketball court and lack of speed and power. Having people call me "buddy" and "kid" people patting me on the head as if I was a dog. Having a below average dick that is not very big and is often the joke of women circles. Where people snicker and demean you. I even sweat a lot more than others and in high school I become the humor of many nicknames such as "waterpark" and "raging waters." Seeing others in the same pain also and not being able to do anything. If you are reading this and have felt similar pain than you know what I am writing about. Yet to internalize this pain, anger, and sadness I become the very thing I despised a darker person a crueler person who lacked respect for others. Where one day I looked at myself in the mirror and saw not the shy boy I was once as child but as someone who has hurt people with my words and hands. Where the bitterness and hatred filled my heart. Where the light becomes a bit dimmer each day. Ironically suicide never truly was an option for me, I do not know why but I never could allow myself to give up voluntarily. Perhaps it was always my natural curiosity and thirst for understanding. For perhaps I am more obsessed of understanding why is there cruelty, pain and angry to begin with than the mere fact I experienced so much of it.

I do not consider myself a poor speaker but I do have trouble expressing my emotions with people face to face it is part of my personality. I never show face unless I have completely broken down which is usually in my room late at night by myself. So when I write this now I just feel so much more in peace. The power of language and writing is something which I believe is understated(because even I underestimated it once myself). The computer is the greatest gift I have ever received. Now this piece of writing is very depressing and dark because it is truthful but now let me tell the rest of my story. It is easy to give into the pain, to let it consume you and drive your actions. To get that surgery you don't need or to act a certain way around others or put down others to feel superior. To always say things and act in ways that is socially acceptable. To accept the truths given but not discovered. What saved me in the end was going down that "rabbit hole" and taking the blue pill (Matrix movie reference if you have not seen it I highly recommend it). I learned that I may be imperfect in the eyes of society and of myself but that is okay for the journey of life is a quest to better yourself in realistic tangible ways and not by measurements of socio-economic status or other forms of physical wealth. I learned to accept myself and to take the harder path to walk alone to stand alone and to search for my own path and not blindly follow others but seek things out for myself. A much harder path and even cruel one at times and I may not even be happy but I know for certain if I let myself be lied to by the world around me I would be much unhappier. I do not believe I am alone either I believe that we all deep down have the same questions of life and self-doubt and sense of awe of the world around us. We are just very good at drugging ourselves to be blinded and be safe from the what we cannot comprehend and understand. Transcend and transform and eventually ascend. Is my message for fall. Topics for another time but my message is often one found in religion and it is amazing how a book which we suppose we cherish instead we twist the words to fit anything we want to or take literal meaning where it makes no sense. As much I disagree with religions books there are some good philosophical knowledge there. The one I wish to impart from this article is that you should learn to appreciate and love your image. To respect those around you and even though you may fail and harm others do not be afraid to be wrong and apologize for such a simple act of kindness can go along way and to not ask for forgiveness for the sake of your own but to do so because we wish to undone a wrong and such an emotion can go a long way in life.

It's a cliché but I believe in my opinion small acts of good can go a long way in repairing our fragile minds.